What Not to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do

Life has a way of going a certain way. Sometimes it makes you happy, sometimes sad, sometimes you’re angry, sometimes you’re rejoicing. But no matter what, life always goes a certain way. Believe what you may, that it’s destiny, or fate, or you can believe what I believe, that is, God is sovereign over all things and truly does make it all work out for the good of those who love him (Rom. 8:28). I can’t go into detail every time I decide to write a blog post, not because I am embarrassed or because I am too prideful to share, but rather because I know that I am called to build people up; sometimes full disclosure doesn’t build anyone up, rather it distorts and destroys what should be used for good. Within this post, I’d like to help anyone that might not know exactly the next steps he or she might want to take, what EXACTLY they ought not to do. There’s a wise Romanian proverb that translates to this: “A smart person learns from the mistakes of others, a fool doesn’t even learn from his own.” Basically, whenever someone sets a bad example, take that as a LEARNING moment in life. Remember what went wrong and do the right thing.

I want to open up a little bit so that if even one person reads these words and can use them to grow and be encouraged, then I’ve done my job. If you are easily convicted by stronger language, then maybe stop reading the post because I am going to get a little gritty and real for the sake of those who think the church is made up of nothing but healthy, super spiritual, GOD-IS-GOOD-ALL-THE-TIME-type Christians… because it isn’t. It’s made up of spiritually dead sinners who have been saved and brought to life by Jesus Christ, who still struggle and fight daily to overcome he who is in the world because the One within is greater and stronger. The purpose of this blog post is to encourage anyone that might find themselves in a similar situation and hopefully give them a slight focus on the light at the end of the tunnel that is seemingly nonexistent. This post IS NOT for the sake of giving haters ammo to use against me and to disqualify me from God’s calling upon my life. I already know I am unqualified for whatever God is calling me to; but that’s the beauty, just like Steven Furtick says, “God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called.” Whether or not you like him doesn’t matter. This truth is beautiful and freeing.

The last few months haven’t been exactly peachy keen. In fact, they have been downright awful. Now if you’ll permit me to be frank and honest with you, they actually have been simply sh**tty. I can look back and point to at least a few of the terrible mistakes I made and can only advise you and hope you don’t make these choices yourself. It isn’t easy to pick yourself up once you’ve fallen down, and unfortunately a lot of times, when others find out, either they keep us down because they don’t want us to get back up. But sometimes, it’s even worse than that…we simply don’t allow them to help us back up, even when they try.

The first of many of my mistakes was that I cut out my closest friendships in a time that I needed the most closeness. The Bible speaks of friendship all over, however in Proverbs 18:24, 13:20, 27:17, and 17:17, we can get a clear understanding of the purpose of friendship and the ways in which it influences us. During a time that I wasn’t too sure which direction was up and which was down, I could’ve really used the guiding voice of my friends and mentors who have always been there for me during the good times. If they were with me in the good, surely they could’ve reminded me what it was like while I sat and basked in the bad. Most people have others they run at the first break of good news. Most people also have those they need to confide in with the ugliest parts of themselves, without feeling judged or hated. 1) Be a good friend to those in struggling times and don’t push them away because of the pain or suffering or poor choices they’ve made in a difficult time. 2) Don’t ever cut your closest people out; that’s a sure way to start on a dark road that’s headed nowhere fast.

Second, I cut out my God time. I don’t know about any of you all, but when I am doing great in life, I enjoy my time with God. Maybe I feel more connected because of my surrounding experiences, which I know and understand shouldn’t be the primary reason for my joy…but I’m human. I’m still learning how to do this thing we call life. Especially when you’re doing life with God, you don’t have it all figured out. Anyone who tells you otherwise is full of crap. There is no formula to this life, but there are some key elements that can help you move forward better. These being prayer, the Bible, and fasting. Because I was so blinded my my anger towards God, I couldn’t connect with him, even after waking up morning after morning to get on my knees and beg him to answer me with tears in my eyes, sorrow in my heart, and heavy burden upon my shoulders. So what was my solution? I decided to cut him out completely. This was easily one of the most stupid, foolish, and irresponsible decisions.

Third, I cut out church. Yes, the church isn’t just some building or location for worship, it’s the living body of Jesus Christ that we have been grafted into. However, there is a physical church I attend (as should all believers do), and in this time period, I just stopped. I got mad at God and decided that maybe it was because of the church. I made nothing but sorry and pitiful excuses as to why maybe the church had some role in this season of my life. Thoughts were rushing in and out of my head, “oh they’re too … or too …”, “maybe if XYZ didn’t … so much, maybe I’d actually enjoy being here”, “I can’t stand that … does that like this”, and so on. This is just evil. There is no place for bitching and criticizing other believers in such a spiteful and ugly manner. It’s so easy to point fingers when you aren’t doing anything yourself, not to mention, when you don’t do ANYTHING, none of the blame goes to you because you’re in the lazy safe zone. That’s where I entered for a period of time… and I’m supposed to be on the board of youth leadership right? Church cannot and should not get cut out from out lives. I feel something deeply wrong whenever I don’t attend even one or two services back to back. I can feel the fellowship draining from my reserve tank and the accountability slowly fade. How much more is this true for those who stop going altogether and simply grow numb to whatever conviction used to be there?

Fourth, I stopped being self-aware and became self-critical. One is healthy and one is absolutely destructive. This is one of the most important things to realize as a Christian. A very dear professor and woman of God said that one of the most important things she would advise any believer is this: “Always be self-aware.” It sounds so simple, yet it really isn’t. Being self aware doesn’t just mean to understand the location of where you are at the moment in time you’re there. Rather it means that you understand yourself. You understand when you are tired and need a break, whether it’s from school, ministry, family, friends, your job, a combination, etc. It means you know what your strengths are and focus on those, while also understanding your weaknesses and struggles so you could better yourself. It means knowing when you have to open up to others and bring people alongside you in difficult moments instead of shutting them out. It means understanding that you DON’T know everything and that you could really benefit from others’ help. It means that you can go out and seek counseling or therapy when you’re losing it. It means you are able to identify the triggers that set you off and the ones that motivate you. It means knowing your “love language” and how you best communicate your feelings to others. It means all of this and so much more. Be self-aware.

So what? Right? No one ever wakes up one morning and thinks “oh hey, I want to cross the bridge from ‘doing great’ to ‘absolute friggin’ disaster’. I thought maybe I need to try things on my own for a little bit. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Life never got so dark so fast EVER before. And the truth is, I can’t pinpoint exactly one wrong choice that brought me to this place, rather I think it was a combination of several of these different choices. However, I can tell you that because of these decisions, I faced a darkness and depression that I had never faced before. That grey cloud hanging over my head just wouldn’t go away. I couldn’t pray it away, I couldn’t wish it away, I couldn’t talk it away, I couldn’t. But God could and God did. But it required some serious effort on my end. I finally decided that I needed help, that I needed community and people, that I needed my church, that I needed my pastors and mentors, that needed to be open and honest, AND YES THAT I NEEDED TO GO BACK TO COUNSELING AND GET SOME THERAPY. There is no shame in any of this. I think it’s important to be able to open up your heart to someone in a safe place where you know there is no judgement and confidentiality and support is at the pinnacle of the session.

I thank God for this dark valley that he let me go through. Although I felt alone through it all, he was right there, every step of the way, cheering me on and rooting for me to make it just over to the other side. Little did I know of the blessings and victory that would lie before my eyes once reaching the end of it. Jesus said in Matthew 9:12-13, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. 13 Go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.’ For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” The fact of the matter is that we all need Jesus because we are sick and need his healing and salvation every single day. If you are not sick or in need of healing or salvation, then I guess you probably don’t need Jesus… and that’s the worst place to be in. Check yourself, check your heart, your mind, your desires, and refocus yourself. Don’t let the enemy keep you down and beat you any longer. Stand back up and take what’s given to you by Christ, freedom and grace.

I hope this post encouraged you, I really do. If it did, please let me know. If it didn’t, I’m sorry, maybe it wasn’t for you. If it offended you, good; I hope this is the first of many challenging posts you read from me. God bless you all and I look forward to this next season of life.

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The Beauty of Reconciliation

If you know me, I don’t like being superficial. I don’t like pretending everything is fine, and when things get rough, I don’t like talking about them on social media or my blog. However, I know that growth can only come from living life, experiencing, making mistakes, loving, as well as hurting. So today I want to share something that has been on my heart recently, and hopefully you might get something from it.

Without getting into much detail, I have someone in my life that sometimes makes things hard to bear. I can’t ignore this person and I can’t avoid them either. Sometimes I lose my temper and say things and think things that no man of God should say or think. Sometimes I’ve even skipped church services just because of how bad things got and I had guilt and condemnation holding me back from the one place I should’ve ran to. Although I could make excuses and blame this person, I won’t. I am my own person and I control my thoughts and actions. If you really want to grow and mature, then you ought to take responsibility for your own actions as well.

I read the story of Jacob and Esau meeting in Genesis 33 and just imagining the story was enough to make me tear up. Two brothers who have both been in tension for so long, who had all the reason to stay away from each other for good, and who didn’t need to risk their lives to reconcile, did so anyways for the sake of reconciliation.

For those of you that don’t know Jacob and Esau were twins and had tension between themselves since their very birth. Earlier in Genesis, Jacob tricks his father into blessing him and not Esau. Basically Jacob stole the blessing of Esau that was rightfully his and then fled for many years to come. That was the most cowardly thing anyone could ever do. However, what impresses me isn’t the beginning or middle of the story of these two brothers. It’s the ending that gives me goosebumps and chills.

Who knows the real reason behind Jacob wanting to meet Esau, but I’ll bet he missed his brother and wanted to be reconnected with him. Jacob knew he was in the wrong. So beautifully and clearly seen, is Jacob’s humility. It isn’t easy to be in the wrong and then put your head down and say I’m sorry, but then even more so, be prepared to surrender as much as possible for the sake of wrong being made right.

I don’t want to go on much more about the backstory, but what I want to get across before this Christmas day and all of us entering the new year, is this idea of reconciliation. I know for a fact, because we are human, we all have a mother or father we don’t get along with, we have a sister or brother, cousin or friend that we just can’t seem to figure out how to make peace with and love properly. I’ll tell you, I daily struggle to love someone very near to me and it isn’t easy. In fact, I fail so frequently that I end up beating myself up for my failures.

Right now, I’m writing this, first and foremost for myself (as I do with all my posts), but then I write them for you all. I want you to know today that it sucks in the moment to humble yourself and put your head down so that you might find restoration in a relationship, but believe me, in the long run, you will almost never regret it. Learning to do what Jesus did over and over and over again is what will help your relationships always. Humble yourself and show love to the other person so much so, that you are willing to love them especially when they are deserving of hatred and punishment. That is true selfless love.

Jesus says in Matthew 5:43-48 to love your enemy and pray for those that hurt you. Interesting right? That’s not what we learn nowadays in this day and age. The truth is, anyone can love a person that is kind and deserving of it… but how many of us can love a person that ABSOLUTELY doesn’t deserve anything but wrath? That’s what it means to be like God, to love the unlovable and to show kindness and grace to the unworthy.

I challenge you today as I challenge myself, go and be reconciled with that person that irks you and bothers you. Go make peace with that person that is full of hate. This is when our Christlike character comes out.

Plus, I don’t see how we can live as Christians and not love a person. I don’t see how you can praise God, take communion (the Lord’s Supper), and still hate a person and hide hate in your heart. I plead with you, repent of that and ask God to help you make peace. After all, ’tis the season’ no? Jesus came nearly 2000 years ago so that he might make peace and reconcile us to the Father. Remember that. God bless you all, peace and love.

Where I’m At & Where I’m Going – Quick Update

Hey wonderful people! I’m not even sure where to begin right now because I haven’t posted in almost 2 years. It’s like not calling or texting someone for two years and then you just show up and try to pick up where you left off… It doesn’t really work out that way. But hopefully as time goes on I can make up for the missing details and info. For now, I want to bring you up to speed on where I’m at physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, and basically in all aspects of life.

I want to be clear that I didn’t stop posting because I gave up on or was questioning my faith. I didn’t stop posting because of any criticism from others. I didn’t stop for any other reason, than that I was busy and I needed to focus more on myself and my relationship with God before I could focus on others. I’m still in love with Jesus and honestly I’m more in love with him now than I’ve ever been. It’s been one heck of a journey and God’s brought me through it all. I still love you all and I’m excited to get this blogging train moving again!

Currently, I am a second semester junior at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago, IL. I’m pursuing my BA in Pre-Counseling & Human Services and I will be graduating December 2018 if all goes well. This desire and pursuit began while I was serving in Austria and God really worked on me and revealed some of the gifts I possess; so I began to pursue the growth of these gifts. I applied only to one school in faith, knowing that if I got accepted, I would go. If not, then I would have moved to Austria and pursued the growth from there. That’s the REALLY LONG story short for you all, but as time goes on, I’m sure I’ll include memories or bits from the last two years that I’m skipping over now.

Life is moving so fast and I’m realizing the beauty of life more and more with each new passing day; I’m realizing the beauty of God and the wonderful ways he connects us all together and makes this wonderful wheel that we call life, turn so smoothly (despite all the potholes). I’m excited to get back into blogging and to share my thoughts and ideas, to answer any questions that people might have, and simply to inspire others while also being inspired by them.

People are beautiful because God is beautiful and he made us in his image. This is why my goal in life is to do what Jesus commanded us to in Luke 10:27 – to love God with all my heart, soul, and strength, and my neighbor as myself. I love you all and I’m super excited for this next season and what God will bring and do through even this little blog! God bless you all and I hope your day is blessed!

It Is Written…

As Christians it is so important that whenever we read the Word of God we get something from it. Whether it’s more wisdom, or knowledge, or understanding, or conviction, or whatever else it might be. We must realize that this book is alive. It is the absolute perfect Word of God. Knowing this will help shape and pave the road for you and I on this walk with Christ.

I read from the book of Matthew this morning and I saw something that immediately convicted me. I read Matthew chapter 5. In this chapter we see that Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And Jesus fasted 40 days and 40 nights. Seeing this, that Jesus was hungry, and weak (from the aspect that he was in human form), and weary (again, because He was in Human form), satan used this as an opportunity to tempt him with food, to tempt him by testing God, to tempt him by trying to give Jesus all within his earthly kingdom on earth.

But as satan tempted Jesus, each time he responded so well to the tempters offers. Jesus said all three times “It is written…” and then he quoted the Word of God. Upon this I immediately experienced a conviction that I want to share with you all and hopefully you share in it. We must get to know the Word of God better! Jesus knew it when satan came to tempt him and that’s where his victory was found! He knew the Scriptures well. He knew how to defend himself against the evil ones lies and deceiving promises.

I think if Jesus set this example for us, we’d better follow it. Imagine how often satan comes to tempt us and we give in. You know why? Because we don’t know the Word of God. We don’t know the Bible. We don’t have these living words come to life within us often enough. The power of the Bible is so great, but unfortunately it’s useless (to you and I individually) if you don’t become intimate with it. The power of it never comes alive in your life and you don’t get to experience the great victories God has prepared for you.

These words are simply brotherly love towards all of you my brothers and sisters in Christ. I became convicted of the lack of scripture in my life and I want you to experience the same conviction so that things can start changing in, around, and through us! Thank you for reading todays post. I hope it encouraged you, strengthened you, and convicted you like it did for me. May God’s peace, love, and joy be upon you all today. Amen.